Chasing Windmills with a Fork

New Heights Could Use a Boost

Tuesday, February 14, 2006

As the snow fell in Washington and I was forced into hibernation, I felt compelled to recall a recent experience that left me about as warm as that frozen sparrow on my windowsill...and about as gustatorily pleasing.
My excursion occurred while apartment hunting and I happened upon the oft praised New Heights on Calvert Street. I try and put reviews and comments from others aside when entering a new dining experience, as I believe each customer is a new chance to gain a loyal follower if the establishment so wishes. Although it is difficult to ignore New Heights begotten glory (rave reviews from the Washington Post, named Best Restaurant in America by USA Today, and Readers' Favorite by Gourmet Magazine)I tried and easily succeeded with the help of the lame decor and terrible glass of wine, recommended by the bartender, I had while waiting for a friend. In all fairness New Heights's reviews are antiquated (last one was awarded in 2000), and they didn't squeeze the grapes that made my medicinal tasting pino grigio, but a fall from grace if ever there was one.
My companion and I started our meal with the mussels appetizer and the lamb sausage. Both very tasty, both portioned for the heroin chic set. If splitting an M&M were my idea of an entree this first course would have been more appropriate, however the space in the tiny restroom would not allow for nosebleed inducing activities even if I chose to partake...how un-thoughtful. My companion and I both ordered the pork tenderloin served with onions not allowed to sauté long enough to become tender and absorb the pork jus. The pork was cooked perfectly but was coated with an extraordinarily salty crust. Perfect luring deer, passable as a meal for me. Dessert was a forgettable chocolate concoction, your standard mouse covered with a ganache layer showing the intense boredom of the pastry chef whose has too much heavy cream in his pantry.
Upon returning to my computer, and desperately writing down the dreary meal I ate so as to regurgitate it here, I realized that New Heights is owned by the name proprietor of Butterfield 9, another highly over priced and overrated establishment. Umbi Singh must be the best lay in town to obtain lavish reviews like he has serving such uninspiring fare as I just witnesses. Congratulations Mr. Singh, you've done a heck of a job!